the winding way
nick: But I am asleep!
There was a dude.
Walking his dog.
As dudes sometimes do.
nick: But the dude walked into a happenstance!
nick: Five dudes, all beatin' each-other up with sticks.
(Big long sticks.)
Dude went, !
What the heck!
So he said, "Dudes, what the heck!"
This was a mistake.
They beat him up, too!
Left him on the ground, unconscious!
And when he woke up - his dog was gone!
They'd taken his dog!
This was also a mistake.
So the dude went and trained.
He became an expert martial artist!
Also, he learned how to use guns.
And bought one.
So, that'd probably be more useful.
Then he went out and hunted for the dudes!
Turns out they were members of ancient religious sects - each of which despised the others.
For religious reasons.
And one of them'd taken his dog!
So he scoured their bases, smashing aside minions and masters, alike, crying out: "Where Have You Taken Ol' Wetnose?"
And at last he found the dude who'd taken his dog - the Grand Master of both the sects, engineering their rivalry for his own nefarious purposes.
The dog was lean and scarred, ill-treated in the time since it had been taken.
But it still recognized the dude!
It whined plaintively at his approach - but, chained in place, it was unable to meet him.
The Grand Master stood before the dude.
"If you want your dog back," the Grand Master said, "You will have to fight me!"
So the dude looked at the Grand Master, and he looked at the dog, and he looked at the Grand Master again.
The Grand Master looked pretty mean.
A nasty individual.
The dude wasn't sure if he could handle him, in a fight.
And if he couldn't - well! His dog!
So the dude shot the Grand Master.
And the Grand Master yelped - a very undignified sort of yelp - and fell over and bled all over the place and, presumably, died.
The dude didn't stay to watch.
He just unlocked his dog and took him home.
That's the winding way!
(Shooting a guy just to get your dog back.)